Friday, August 14

a case of the 'runs'...

i look like a new mum, (unwashed hair and yesterday's clothes),
and i smell like a new mum (sick and diarrhea)...

in the past twenty four hours i have marvelled many times at just how much 'yuck' can come out of one so small as 'little olive'.
at 7 pm last night i marvelled to my man, the volume of the clear up operation that i had started that day,
at 3 am this morning, i marvelled in hushed tones to the silent night, "where does it keep coming from?"...
at 7 am this morning, i marvelled again in my bedraggled smelly state, to anyone who was awake to listen, again the bulk of the situation.
and at 12 pm this lunchtime i re-marvelled to my vet, the 'enormity of the quantity' that had left this little doggie rather sad and tired.

as little olive rests, i have spent way too much time this afternoon, chasing a blimen' chicken.
i am quite sure if someone were to be secretly videoing my moment of 'mass hysteria' and show me at a later date, i might chuckle... but chuckling i was not at the time.
tired, smelling of sick dog and realizing after my man had fixed the hole in the fence that one silly chicken was not where it should be...
and that silly chicken was 'little voice'.
by the time our #1 had got her back in the fold i must confess rather nasty words had left my lips...
"oh, just stay there you flippin' hen" i shouted, "just leave her."
"you don't mean that mum, imagine if she got squidged on the road, then we would all have to hear you wailing for days to come" our #1 shouted back as we tried to corner the frisky thing.
"i do... i do mean it..."
and then i said 'it' dearest readers, the most unforgivable thing to say to a chicken you wish to be friends with and encourage to keep you going in the 'egg department' for several years.
i said the 'C' word...
i know,
a terrible, abusively verbal crime has been committed to one of my chickens and by moi, myself.
i said
"you know chicken..." (actually, i shouted it rather loudly, sounding like a deranged woman with not a lot left to give),
"you know chicken, if ever there was a chicken that deserved to be eaten by a bloody coyote it's you, little blimen' voice."
gasp, shock and a lot of horror...

in my defence, however pathetic it may sound, i must tell you... i was a 'woman undone' by many hours filled with 'shit shovelling' and few hours filled with 'sleep' but it is still unforgivable. and on that note, i turned on my heel and headed indoors to 'wash my hands' of saving 'little voice' from the big bad road or the jaws of a coyote.
our #1 did not however stoop to her mother's level and patiently waited for 'little voice' to 'come to her senses' and go through the gate to the back yard.

and why do i feel so bad about shouting the 'C' word at my chicken, i'll tell you why...
because my 'sweet six' have started 'a laying', the most amazing gift a chicken can give and they started to do this several days ago.


i am a proud mother hen and after i finish up 'tippity tapping' these words i shall go back out to the yard, cup of tea in hand, newly bathed 'olive' in the other and find 'little voice' to apologize...
with a bit of luck (and 'cause she's a chicken with short term memory issues) she will forgive my 'momentary breakdown' and offer up an egg for breakfast tomorrow...

she is hoping her night is not full of 'crap' again and wishing you all a 'crap free' weekend ~ Tif ;)

11 comments:

Katherine said...

oh, my goodness, tif! i FEEL you! as i was bent over in a public place cleaning up someone else's child's ice cream off of the floor (that this other parent conveniently did not notice) a nice elderly gentleman said, "you should not have to clean up other people's messes." to which, of course, i replied, "i am a mother. i spend my life cleaning up other people's messes."

i also spend my life cleaning up after my puppy and little hens in the backyard. and, after much cursing at them for leaving their mark all over the back porch and hopping over the fence to visit the neighbor's australian shephard, all has been forgiven since they started leaving little round eggs in their boxes a few weeks ago.

much in the same way as all can be forgiven quite easily with my little boy after i have spent the previous days (or months or years) tearing my hair out as i continuously pick up and put away the same things over and over again.

Tracy x said...

yikes... sounds yuk, yuk, yukky...
what did the vet say?
hoping that the flood gates of little Olive have now closed and that you are having a weekend with only the normal amount of crap ;)
love to you
t x

Pomona said...

After a day like that, it must get better! Have a rest and have a good weekend!

Pomona x

Tania said...

Thank goodliness for chicken (and in my case, angel fish) short term memory issues. May this night be a peaceful one with coyotes far, far away...

Gigibird said...

Many years ago when Harry was young I was woken by my husband who had discovered that he had been ‘ill’ all over the kitchen floor.
My husbands way of dealing with dog and cat ‘accidents’ is to cover them with a piece of kitchen roll – you see it works by masking the offending pile and then the poo and sick fairy (me) comes along and cleans it up….well on this occasion such was the explosion that the kitchen roll treatment hadn’t worked….
Harry was covered in you know what, it was everywhere so I mopped and mopped until it was gone then I hosed down Harry (I was in no mood to warm the water) and then finally I sat on the kitchen floor with a sick whining pup on my lap.
But I insisted in a new mop.

emma lamb said...

oh miss Tif it sounds like you're having a very trying time!

although i must admit i thought the 'c' work was going to be 'cook'... i suppose that is even worse that the one you used!!!

i do hope wee 'olive' is okay, i remember many a day like this when Spanner was still wee... :(

i do hope you are okay too and haven't devoured your entire choccy stash just to cope!

hugs,
emma
x

Michelle said...

Oh Tif... believe it or not I have lowered myself to use the F word...
several times this week myself...
There is one chicken that will not stay in the yard and has had to be left out in the cold dark night three nights running as there is no way of catching her...and as I have told her many times now in high pitch screams that if she doesn't go in she can just stay out for the FOX to come and get her...but she still isn't listening...luckerly the foxes aren't listening either...
I do hope little olive is feeling better soon...

hanna said...

oooh dear, sounds like you've had a nasty wee time. I hope tomorrow is all better and wonderful with sunshine and sweet smelling puppy cuddles, and eggs for breakfast.
x
Hanna

Blåbærpai said...

oh, how splendly written:D
So glad the chicken ended on the right side of the fence and hope the little doggy's feeling better!!
-Blueberrypie

Hear Me Roar! said...

This cracked me up, but DO know that I feel your pain. My little lambikin delicate garden flower, Argus had all of that going on, and it turned out to be quite serious. I'm hoping your vet said little Olive merely had a case of the nerves.

emma lamb said...

i did this for you, hopefully it will bring a smile to your 'crappy' week... :)

http://www.dorsetcereals.co.uk/little-blog-awards/nomination/1446